He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
