I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
