don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
