I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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