I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
