Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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