i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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