meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
