I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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