Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
