Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
