my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
