Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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