This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
