Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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