Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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