i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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