Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
there is puke in my bra ... again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
