i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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