I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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