I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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