so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
