Don't make out with my wife yet
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
