Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
