I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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