If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize