the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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