It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
