I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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