sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
