Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
try to milk me bitch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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