yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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