My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
