ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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