Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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