are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
