You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
