I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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