If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
