we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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