i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and she was petting her beer can
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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