Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Princesses don't give blow jobs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Randomize
