Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
