I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
