last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
