Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish life had little blips of pornography
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
