I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
