I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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