Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
