i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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