i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
