I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
