i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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