you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
