yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
