If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
