Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
