I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
