oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
