I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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