The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
