you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your penis caused this!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
