The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
