she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
