I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the jesus of drinking
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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